Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt like you needed to alter things about yourself in order to be loved by your significant other? Or, maybe you’ve attempted to drastically change your personality or your appearance to attract someone you fancy. I have certainly felt these feelings before. I know I’ve touched on this topic previously in this blog, but I feel it’s necessary to address this subject matter again, since, as of late, this type of situation has been ever before my eyes.
I have a dear friend who is somewhat involved with a guy for whom she deeply cares. Yet, my friend knows, from discussions with this man, that she does not have his ideal “look” or body-type for a woman. So, my friend has been stressing out, doing whatever she can to re-sculpt her body into the look that this guy prefers, hoping that he will love her, and find her attractive.
Now, I can certainly understand my friend’s motivation for her behavior. It’s only natural to want to be attractive to someone you love and for whom you have deep feelings. There is nothing wrong with those feelings…..to a certain extent. But, when you feel as if you have to radically change yourself just to cause someone to be interested in you, then there’s a problem. Often, love can make a person lose a sense of reality and truth. And, the truth is, if someone doesn’t love you for who you are, in the state you’re in, then they’re probably not for you.
Always feeling like you have to transform into something you’re not, just to get someone to love you, is no way to live your life. Imagine constantly feeling like you’re not what your significant other truly wants, or that you have to try to incessantly change yourself to become their ideal. That would take quite a toll on a person’s self-esteem; not to mention the fact that those are poor ingredients for a happy, healthy relationship and life.
Even further, not being loved or accepted as you are can actually contribute to emotional and physical problems one can have in connection to their body. This can perpetuate the negative self image which can make someone feel unlovely, or not ideal. For example, if a woman has weight issues, and she’s not accepted and loved wholly and unconditionally, rejection and self-pity can set in. This may then cause the woman to console herself with food to fill that void she has within her that longs for love. This can keep the original weight issue going like a vicious cycle.
There are so many other examples I could offer that demonstrate how problems are propagated by not being loved well. Hopefully, you already understand my point. Bottom line….feeling loved, accepted, and desired no matter what in a relationship, is of utmost importance to a person’s emotional and physical well being. Being accepted, supported, and unconditionally loved will build a person’s confidence so they can become something greater than would have been possible in an unloving environment.
Generally, in society today, there is such a great emphasis on outward appearance. It has become an overly important factor to consider when choosing someone with whom to have a relationship. I happen to feel that there is way too much focus on the outward in relationships, and not enough on the inward. The reality is, it’s far more positive to build the foundation of a relationship on something beyond appearance. The fact is, no matter who you are, at some point, looks change. And, the person with whom you’ve built your relationship will, hopefully, love you for who you are as a person on the inside, and not merely the outward. If not, what kind of basis will your relationship have when the looks fade?
Life and relationships must exist in matters that go far beyond skin deep. There’s so much more to a person than their physical appearance. I personally think that one of the main reasons we see such a high divorce rate in this country is that people rush into relationships (and marriage) mostly based on superficial reasons. Then, when real life sets in so many years down the line, the couples who have married based on looks or other trivia, come to realize they’ve chosen a life partner based on something fleeting, rather than on solid rock. Couples in this situation often find out they have nothing lasting in their relationships to carry them through life; and, boom, they get divorced.
Unconditional love is a love that looks at a person for who they really are, which encompasses many facets besides looks. True love looks beyond a person’s outward appearance, so they can recognize a person’s character, and loves that person for their internal beauty. When unconditional love is at work in a person’s heart, another becomes attractive to them, not just because they may look good, but because the true essence of who they are shines through. Unconditional love accepts, loves, and sees as beautiful the people that our society may have dubbed, through shallow criteria, the unlovely.
U Love will see you as beautiful, without you having to change the way you look or act. Unconditional love is a love that loves you just as you are. If more people would love this way, than I think we would see a great deal more of successful marriages and relationships. So, the next time you feel like you have to “change” to get love, just know that there will be someone who will love you for who you truly are; and that you are someone’s ideal without having to change a thing. You are someone’s dream love! Don’t settle for being anything less than yourself to anyone. You deserve unconditional love.
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